DisneyWorld: Heaven or Hell?

Tryin' to kill some time before the book comes out in July, so I thought I'd riff on DisneyWorld for a few blogs since my family and I just got back from there (it was, amazingly, my first visit ever to the park or a Disney attraction).

The first thing I thought when our shuttle bus pulled into our resort was this:

"Note to self--BUY DISNEY STOCK!"

I tell ya', runing that place is like havin' a license to print money. It's an enormous complex, as large as my hometown, and everything thing about it simply says "You are going to spend a butt-load of money every second of every minute of every day."

But oddly, I think it was worth nearly every penny. From the shuttle bus system, to the luggage handling, to the little theme details at the parks and resorts, it's an amazing achievement of planning and architecture.

It's not perfect--the food often seems hastily prepared; not every employee wears a smile (thought most do); and there is the occasional glitch in the system--but it did, overall, live up to my expectations of the "Disney Way" of doing things.

Just so you know, my wife and I (and now our kids) never check luggage. Went to England for nine days last year and eight days the year before, with only backpacks and a small carry-on "personal item," (as the airlines allow). Yes, it can be done! I've never understood people who try and recreate their entire closet in a suitcase--YOU'RE NOT AT HOME ANYMORE, PEOPLE! Accepting that you are in a foreign land, or at Disney, is the first step to getting better.

I can't tell you how great it is to get off the plane at Heathrow and NOT have to claim luggage; not have to haul suitcases all around the Tube. Try it JUST ONCE and you'll never go back the old way.

Anyway, expect a post from me about each park we visited over the next week and, if anyone ever reads this, let me know your experiences and opinions on Disney. I'm curious to see what others think about, say, that horror called "It's a Small World," or the all-chicken strip diet for children, or the lack of progress on the "Carousel of Progress."

Gotta' go--Disney stock is on the rise and I need to make a call to a broker.

Seven Greatest War Films: A List

Alright, I've figured out, much like VH1, that when you are at a loss for words or programming time, you simply do a list of something because eveyone LOVES reading an opinionated list of something (10 greatest Presidents, 4 Worst shades of lipstick, 6 hottest breeds of dogs for 2006, etc).

Well, I'm joining that club. For now, it'll be about movies, of which I've seen more than I care to count (in my younger days, I watched two to three a day for over a year. Yes, I did have a little free time on my hands, but that's another story, and it does NOT involve incarceration). For these film lists I am limiting myself to generally known films (Eraserhead and The Honeymoon Killers are not likely to appear), films that are available for rent on DVD or video, and films that are reasonably entertaining (again, though I love Eraserhead, I do not expect most people would possibly enjoy it--I'm not even certain that I enjoy it!)

Today, here's my opinionated list of the 7 Greatest War Films of All Time:

1. Zulu. Those in the know are smiling right now, for most Americans don't know the story of Rourke's Drift in Natal in the late 19th century. Basically, a tiny garrison of less than 100 British soldiers held off 4,000 (yes, that's not a typo--4,000) Zulu warriors until the Zulus basically left (either in tribute of their enemy's bravery, or due to their own high casualties). But the film, while not 100% accurate historically (just a few minor character fudges) is a marvel. Stirring, poignant, rousing, horrifying, and immensely entertaining throughout, it is a constant wonder to watch. Has a great John Barry score, superb performances (especially by Stanley Baker), and gorgeous photography. I never tire of it--and as a father/son bonding experience, it cannot be beat.

2. Lawrence of Arabia. David Lean's masterpiece isn't perfect--the first half is superior to the second--but what other picture of its type has not just such beautiful photography, but also so many quotable lines? ("It's clean," says Lawrence, asked about why he likes the desert. " "I am a river to my people!" says Anthony Quinn's Aouda. "The trick is--not minding that it hurts," says Lawrence--I could go on and on...). Maurice Jarre's score is the greatest in film history (I'm not kidding--it really is), and when seen on a big screen, this film is visually a knock-out.

3. Patton. Part biography, part war picture, this one takes its knocks from some but to me it is not just a great war picture, but an intriguing portrait of a complicated man. A constant theme for me, as you may have seen, is the score, and Jerry Goldsmith's in this picture is one of the best ever (love the echoing trumpets--hints of reincarnation, perhaps?) The Spanish Army fills in nicely for the Germans, and George C. Scott captures his character perfectly. I used to have his opening speech just about memorized ("When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that used to be your best friend's face--well, you'll know what to do.") I wish I still did.

4. The Red Badge of Courage. It's short, but captivating, being one of the few war pictures that explores the issue of cowardice as much as comraderie. Starring real-life war hero Audie Murphy, John Huston made the most out of the tale, though I recall that he lost control of the picture and eventually all that survived was the 75 minute cut I've seen. But it's terrific: compact, frightening--more so than most war pictures, one really identifies with the protagonist--moving, and unforgettable.

5. The Thin Red Line. This film is not for the MTV watchers; the video-gamers; or those accustomed to slam-bang action. This film IS for those who read 600 page novels, or like the poetry of Dylan Thomas, or visit art galleries to gaze in silence at its masterpieces. Terrence Malick's visual feast is a slow though moving and intense ride through the horror of Guadalcanal, and though the all-star cast can be a distraction (especially John Travolta), the cumulative effect of this journey is stunning. The first scene is telling: a jungle; a single organ note; the sight of an alligator sliding into an algae-covered pool and under the water; the organ note rises in intensity and then fades.

What is that about? You tell me--but all I know is that it's about SOMETHING, and that something, I think, is the relationship of predators, nature, and the environment around them. Is man the alligator? Again, you tell me--all I know is that it's a quiet, moving, elegant way to start a film.

6. The Longest Day. Why pick such an obvious choice? Because it's a great entertainment about one of the best--and worst--days in American history. It takes a huge undertaking and somehow makes it understandable AND entertaining. Screenwriter and novelist Cornelius Ryan keeps the action moving with alternate amounts of pathos and combat-humor, and though the Omaha Beach scene can't match the visceral intensity of Saving Private Ryan's, I consider this one the superior picture (Why? That belongs on another list). It is also loads better than the other effort to make a Ryan book into a picture (A Bridge too Far) for more reasons than I can name here, though a lack of pacing and humor--and a truly TERRIBLE film score--come foremost to mind.

7. Grand Illusion. Of all war pictures, this one drives the important point home that we're all the same, only some of us are on different sides (and not by choice, either). Jean Renoir's humanistic masterpiece is still powerful--it's aged well nearly 70 years later--and the message remains an important one even today. And, as with all those above, it's a joy to view.

Others? How about Stalag 17, The Great Escape, All Quiet on the Western Front (too dated for my tastes), Battleground, Apocalypse Now (original version), Paths of Glory (#8 on my list) and, most recently, the quirky, impressive A Very Long Engagement.

Where's Private Ryan? I'll devote a whole post to that one someday. Until then, look for a 7 Best list every so often, and let me know just how full of s--t you think I am if you disagree!